My wife and I have been making our own bacon since January this year. The year is almost over so it’s well past time I documented the process for posterity, especially since I expect my typing to remain legible for longer than my handwriting. Also, I know there’s at least a couple of people out there who are actually interested in this
Recording this for posterity.
- Leftover roast pork (optimally home grown free range and happy, about which another post when I find the time), diced or thinly sliced.
- A few onions, a couple of potatoes, some mushrooms, all thinly sliced.
- Capsicum (red or green or both), diced.
- Crushed garlic.
- BBQ sauce (plus possibly tomato paste – see how you go).
- Pepper (bonus points for Tasmanian bush pepper).
- Cheese, chilli sauce, tortillas (optional).
- Heat frypan, add pork.
- Add onions and garlic, fry for a while.
- Add butter, potatoes, mushrooms, BBQ sauce, salt, pepper, oregano, fry some more.
- Cover, lower heat, add water and/or tomato paste if it seems necessary.
- Go away for at least half an hour. Check your email. Read Twitter. Do some actual useful work. But make sure you’re within smelling distance of the kitchen, just in case.
- Add capsicum.
- Wait a bit more, depending on how well done you like your capsicum.
- Serve, either in a bowl or wrapped in a tortilla, with or without cheese and chilli sauce according to taste.
As all faithful Discordians know, there has long been a prohibition on the consumption of hot dog buns. This dates back to at least the Fifth Year of The Caterpillar, when the hermit Apostle Zarathud first found the FIVE COMMANDMENTS carved in gilded stone, while building a sun deck for his cave. The exact wording of the pertinent commandment is:
A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.
— Commandment IV of the PENTABARF
This can be problematic for lovers of hot dogs, but at long last I believe I have found the perfect solution: all you need do is put the frankfurt through a bagel.
As you can clearly see it provides all the convenience of – and even more tasty goodness than – a regular hot dog bun, while simultaneously keeping to the letter of the sacred text.